Monday, June 19, 2017

Gym bunny me!

I have just re-joined the gym! Woo Hoo! Enough wallowing in my emotional funk. Enough ruminating over how nervous and vulnerable I've been feeling about the new book coming out and all my boring thoughts about me, my book, me, my life, me yadda yadda. Enough insecure introspection. Enough emotional eating to distract myself from uncomfortable feelings. Enough bad TV to distract myself from uncomfortable feelings. ENOUGH!

(In case you thought I was the perfect example of a sober zen housewife, I'm not! I still use food and TV to distract myself when the going gets tough.)

Anyway... that phase is over. It's time for some forward momentum. I'm going to get my body back into shape (even a little bit of shape will suffice!). I'm going to pump myself full of all those natural endorphins and serotonin and whatever-else-comes-from-exercise and I'm moving on.

Feels bloody good to be honest. I'm back at the gym where I used to go when our littlest was a pre-schooler and he attended the creche there while I worked out. I know the place. I know they have a pump class at 9.30 on a Monday morning which I used to love. I'm going to start doing that again plus maybe another class or two and sometimes my own programme of weights and cardio.

I may be 45 but I am not giving up on this body quite yet! And I'm not going to stagnate in a pit of self-absorbed despair. I'm going to get back exercising and keep focusing on all the other stuff I do (parenting and housewifeing and running Living Sober) with increased positivity and a metaphorical spring in my step!

It's not that things have been terrible but it has been quite a gritty phase lately and I have fallen into bad habits and have gained weight so I'm feeling a bit blah. Not terrible, but blah so it's good that I've decided enough is enough.

I'm still a goddamn motherfucking legend for getting through all of my life without numbing and avoiding with booze.

I'm still a sober superstar who lives every single moment of her life with a raw and wide-open brain.

And I'm still a heroic recovery warrior who feels all the feels at full volume - 150% awake and alive to everything all of the time.

And now I'm a gym bunny to boot - ha ha!

Love, Mrs D xxx

Thursday, June 8, 2017

A fully realised human...

Things are calming down now and getting back to normal. In other words my nerves and adrenaline are subsiding now and I am calming down and getting back to normal. 

I have to be honest I didn't hugely enjoy that whole 'putting out the new book' process. Bit of a bummer because I wanted to feel happy and proud and all my lovely friends and family were happy and proud for me but I can't hide the truth that overall I felt very edgy and vulnerable and insecure about the whole thing. 

Of course the fact that I'm sober means every experience I go through I feel acutely at 150% volume and this was no exception! Raw and real is how I experience things.. I'm cool with that because I LOVE being sober and out of the boozy trap I was once in.. but I'm not sure I will be writing and putting out another book any time soon. 

Or if I do it will be about something other than the innermost workings of my mind.

Anyway - got a wee bit of media around the book release which was nice and all the interviewers were very kind. Jack Tame on Newstalk ZB called me 'reluctantly introspective' which was right on the money I thought. His radio interview is here. Jesse Mulligan on Radio NZ laughed when I told him I was a 'girly swat' when I set about learning mindfulness. His radio interview is here. Carly Flynn was very complimentary which was very nice of her and I really enjoyed talking to Tim Fookes as well. Also got a couple of print articles here and here

I'm never nervous when I'm actually talking to journalists because I always see it as an opportunity to get the word out about recovery and hopefully reach more people who might be living in a boozy hell. It's just when I'm sitting at home in the quiet that I feel a bit exposed and weird... but no more complaining! No-one made me write this book and overall I am pleased to have written out what I learned to make my sober life more manageable .. and there's no denying that consolidating it all into book form helped me further cement many of the concepts and tools I've been learning and developing. 

I've had a couple of people say the book isn't available overseas yet. The kindle is on Amazon (just make sure you're not looking at the print copy as they don't get it till November) and if you buy a hard copy from Book Depository they'll ship it straight away anywhere in the world for free!

Today I am pottering at home doing some blog writing, cooking dinner (getting a bit fancy and making Chermoula Marinade for chicken kebabs), and looking after the dog who has a cone on his head to stop him licking his infected paw. I am watching The Real Housewives of New York while I cook and drinking a delicious Hot Cinnamon Sunset tea. Later I will run the boys around to their rugby practice/drama classes/Scout Scavenger Hunt and finally will collapse into bed with a mug of chamomile tea. 

Sober life is good. It's gritty and gnarly at times but always rewarding and genuine. I finally feel fully alive truly experiencing what it means to be a fully realised human. 

So, so grateful I got alcohol out of my life 2102 days ago. 

Love, Mrs D xxx

P.S. Cheesy selfie taken at the airport when I spotted my new book on the shelf!