Lifting up again - coolio! - knew I was getting my mojo back when I embarked on some new recipes last night. They were met with mixed success (the pineapple, thyme & feta salad was a hit.. the peas smashed with garlic, parsley and avocado not so much…)..
I keep lifting my eyes to the sky and watching the clouds.. imagining myself flying away on an airplane.. looking at the birds… remembering there is a big wide world out there and I am but one spec in it. A tiny spec, a minute drop in the ocean. Sometimes I get caught up believing that my worries, desires, troubles, triumphs are the most important..it helps me soooo much to look around at everyone everywhere all the time and remember they are all as wrapped up in their own lives as I am in mine, believing the same thing about themselves… it helps…
Getting the odd bit of shit thrown at me.. someone said my book was 'too self-congratulatory' for their liking… also a bit of 'what's she got to worry about in her life'. You know what.. it's shit I can take. I'll take all the shit that people want to throw at me.. those people don't matter. The people that matter are the people that are like me - those that understand what it's like to be locked in a miserable battle with yourself about booze. Those people matter.. and I'm not going to let anyone else stop me from standing up proudly as a person in recovery.
I have to remember where I came from.. and stay strong and sober. I have been having the odd sad pang about not drinking ever again. Wouldn't call it cravings but just kind of freaky "whoa am I honestly never going to touch alcohol ever again my whole life????!" thoughts. Hardly surprising given the intense phase I'm going through. It's ok.. it'll pass.. I'll stay strong and sober. I'm not going to pick up a drink.
I have to remember that I am still very much a 'newby' when it comes to my sobriety. Nearly 3 years sober is an eternity when you are trying to get to 2 weeks without a drink.. but in the grand scheme of a life, 3 years isn't much. Especially when you consider I spent 20+ years enthusiastically boozing. I'm still adjusting to my new way of life I'm sure.
The only thing that matters is that I stay sober.
Snippy reviews don't matter.. staying sober matters…
Failed dishes made with peas don't matter.. staying sober matters…
I'm staying sober forever.
Love, Mrs D xxx