Thursday, July 3, 2014

Reprogramming addictive thoughts...

The road to Sobersville is not easy - as GG brilliantly put it in a comment on my last post. It's not easy. I'm not going to gild the lily. Your body will pull you towards the booze and your brain will FREAK OUT and try every trick in the book to entice you to pick up again.

Thoughts like "I deserve it" or "I need it" or "everyone else drinks" or "it's a special occasion" or "I'm not going to have fun or relax without it" or my personal favorite the incredibly helpful "fuck it". That's just a general thought "fuck it I'm just going to drink".. it doesn't have any particular reason attached just a general "fuck it".

Those thoughts are not your friends.. they are not helpful or kind or wise.. they are the thoughts of your inner addict trying to get you to stay using the drug. So at first you have to be really really staunch about fighting them off. Talk about them out loud. Vocalise them to a friend or family member or just to yourself privately in the kitchen or while you are driving. Get them out.. separate them from you.. talk to them and tell them they're SHIT and have to go. Then work on replacing them with helpful kind thoughts.

Thoughts like "It's bollocks that I need it, I need it like a hole in the head" and "Lots of people get sober and happy and I can too" and "I'm going to be so happy tomorrow if I wake up with no hangover" and "I'm going to buy myself a fabulous new {insert object here} on Friday if I resist till then" and "I know that this will get easier and I will get to a place where I don't have this yearning" and "I only want the booze because I'm hungry/angry/lonely/tired/stressed what else can I do to deal with that."

Please add your own helpful kind thoughts below that you use to fight off cravings .. these are just some of mine. But the point is you need to identify that these desperate drinking thoughts are addictive thinking, you can start to turn them around and they will fade. That much is guaranteed!!!!!!

For me they used to come like a wave around 4.30pm but if I made it to 7.30pm ish I'd start to relax. Of course the house was always spotless by then because I'd be cleaning like a freak to keep myself distracted.

I've got in this lovely habit of having my slippers by the door and as soon as I get inside I pop them on - a relaxation trigger! Yes the onesie is getting quite a bit of use too (almost put it on at 4pm the other day, thank goodness I didn't because someone popped over unannounced! That never happens! Would have been very embarrassing if I'd been caught in full pink onesie glory).

I am really feeling the love. So many lovely people still reaching out and interacting on here and on Facebook. So many of us in the same boat. It's amazing, heartwarming, heartbreaking (at times), but strengthening and real. So very real. I keep saying it over and over but I'll say it again.. we need each other. That is all.

Love, Mrs D xxx

70 comments:

  1. I read in an addict memoir about the technique of "Thinking the Drink Through" where you think of how things could easily go wrong after the first drink. I like that technique.

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    1. A forum I was on called this "playing the video to the end" which I find a great way to think of it. Imagining not just the lovely first drink but the second, third, bottle and then the dry mouth, stumbling to bed, waking in the early hours feeling awful, the hangover in the morning….

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    2. Today i have stayed sober

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  2. I do the math in my head -- a glass of wine equals about half an hour of quick relaxation + more hours of mindless drinking + a terrible sleep + another day of remorse and self-loathing. A glass of soda water or a cup of tea = an evening doing something creative or reading + that lovely feeling of going to bed happy and clear and proud + an awesome sleep + waking up feeling good about myself for looking after myself so well.... If I do that little mental exercise when I'm tempted, there is no question: I am Not Having Wine.

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    1. A longtime overdueJuly 3, 2014 at 11:20 AM

      Excellent equation that I completely agree with. Still takes me quite a bit of determination to suppress the !

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  3. Hi day off ex-mother inlaw in town and wants to pay a visit. This is usually a huge trigger and sends me rushing for the wine bottle. The drinking voice is going quick nip down to the supermarket and pour a bottle down your throat then you will feel better. I am NOT GOING to leave the house. I will be sober today and she will just have to make do with Griffins 'Krispie biscuits' and a cup of tea. That addictive voice can be a bitch sometimes when she starts screaming at you. I have a nice tidy house because she was screaming last night so I cleaned instead.

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  4. I heard your radio interview while I was cleaning / racing around the house, so didn't catch it all. So last night, I sat down and listened to it properly via podcast. To be honest, I think I have a drinking problem, have thought it for ages. But I am so damn high functioning. I don't think I even drink as much as you - but the fact is I cannot contemplate NOT having drink every night, and its usually more than one, and it is very often too much. I have give up for spurts before - even up to six months. But to be honest, I cannot contemplate giving up for my whole life. I can't get my ahead around that at all. So what are you supposed to do with that? I can't commit to saying "I am an alcoholic" and stopping - so what - I just wait until I crash so hard that I have to? Or I try another spurt of not drinking? That has never worked before. Dunno. Tempted to go to an AA meeting - but then what - we are back to me saying publicly that I am not going to drink for the rest of my life and that is way too scary for me.

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    1. I hope I'm not out of place by popping in and telling you that you and I have the common view on our drinking.. exactly. Or at least I had that view until something quietly changed recently and I realized that whether I had an addiction to alcohol was irrelevant in my decision to quit forever. The decision to quit forever came when I realized that I could not waste another minute thinking about drinking. I had wasted too many precious hours, both waking and in fitful slumber with alcohol either in my brain or on my mind. I don't know how much time I have left in this beautiful life and one wasted moment was one too many. So I've stopped drinking forever to free my mind for lovelier thoughts.

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    2. Deb, I have never ever thought about it like that. Thank you - something else for me to contemplate. I think it's fear that stops me though.

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    3. you need at least a year under your belt - then decide. the brain needs a solid chunk of time to heal. 3, 6 months is not enough. suggest a goal of a year - don't think beyond right now - then see how you feel.

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    4. sorry if tone bossy. just a suggestion.

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    5. Oh OK - I did 6 months once, and I was really proud. Then started drinking again and it slowly escalated. Maybe I could think about a year. Maybe. Thank you

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    6. I think time affects us all in different Ways and how we cope with that. I struggled to imagine coping for an afternoon let alone 90 day 6 months or a year.... I have found I can cope with a day, so each day is a test... and now all of a sudden 28 days have gone past. I hope one day I won,t feel the need for a drink, crave the taste of that wine. But what gets me through at the moment is that I am less passed off at myself each day, and that makes me happy. And not planning my day around when I will drink has freed up a lot of time.

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    7. I am exactly in the same thinking- fore ever? Really? and I have contemplated going to AA but am WAy to scared of failing I think (and who I might see there, who might then know). So here I am, on here blogging. I have the addict voice to, up to now it always wins in the end...

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    8. I have decided against AA but for different reasons. I do find talking about this problem very helpful, here and with friends and my counsellor.... I suppose we all have to find that happy place where we are comfortable so each day gets easier. That addict voice was so strong in my head today, just one glass or little bottle I kept telling myself would be ok as I passed the wine section of the supermarket, and the free tasting .... but I don't want to go back to saying I am on day one being sober. Day 32 sounds so much better and I have shocked myself that I have done it.

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  5. A longtime overdueJuly 3, 2014 at 11:30 AM

    Ha ha, love it, the fuck it excuse is the one I use when I don't have a valid one. But usually I have 'earnt it' or 'deserve it'. Totally not finding this easy, thank goodness for Dry July, I can stick at that. It is the hum drum Mrs D, the braindead stuff that a brainy girl is just bored to tears doing. That was my happy place, kitchen, cooking, wine, laundry, wine, dishes, wine, tidy up, wine. Sure made the chores more enjoyable! But it was the after affects well described in the equation above that I didn't like. I have purchased many non-alc drinks as a replacement but wary of swapping booze for sugar. At the moment, easy to have another cup of tea, have some herbals for variety. Even had my lime and soda in my favourite large red wine glass last Friday night. Focusing on not feeling hazy, falling asleep on couch (thus not getting jobs done), shit sleep and waking with a fuzzy head to stop me giving in to addictive thinking.

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  6. Mine are:
    "I'm going to feel so proud of myself if I don't drink"
    "I'm going to save so much money/time"
    "I'll feel so much better the next day AND I'll actually remember the night before"

    The worst ones are:
    "You can never let your children see you in that state ever again. You will never forgive yourself if THAT was their first memory of you"
    "You will wrap yourself around a power pole if you ever get like that again"

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  7. on a train to wellie..picked up your book..at airport ...funny i watched breakfast this morn and i never do that..have tried and read everything and still drink..i have never tried the online community and as i read your book and hear your joy in it..i am all in..the feeling of support from others ...am looking forward to it

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  8. I decided last week to do Dry July. My first test was last night at a function, drinking water (I like water). A guy asked me why I was doing that, and I said I was doing Dry July, and he asked why, and I replied 'because I can". That is giving me a good excuse to get me through the next few weeks. Alao, I have found an I-phone APP - called the 5 minute journal, and it is only $ 6.49 (the price of half a bottle of wine) and it is a good way of recording in the morning - 3 things you are grateful for, what would make today great and in the evening - 3 amazing things that happened today and what could have made today better. I definitely recommend it as a quick way of recording how you are feeling, and thinking of positive things, rather than focussing on how hard other things are.

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  9. I found that I really craved sugar when I first got sober. So I did let myself indulge in sweets and chocolate for a bit. The cravings do lessen as time went on. Once I got my first year of sobriety under my belt I bought myself a beautiful piece of jewellery and because I wear it everyday it reminds me of how far I've come.

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    1. Yes I have sweet cravings too, thank god bec thinking I replace one thing with another. Thank heavens.

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    2. Another thing I was told to watch out for in my early sobriety was to watch out for HALT (Hungry/Angry/Lonely/Tired). They were all times when I really had to be careful.

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    3. I get the old HALT from 4.30 - 7.30 pm! Lots of diet ginger beer and lime and soda over that period, and eating dinner earlier seems to help...also been cooking up a storm to keep myself busy. Six days for me, overall loving feeling great at bed time and great in the morning. Woohoo!

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  10. Wow guys read some many blogs that make sense, and here I was thinking I had heard it all. So many things that hit home...yeah I can relate to that, ooohh yes I do that,....shit that's me! So thank you for all the ideas, not having a good evening, not because my life sucks, bec its great, just that my drinking brain is telling me something else, sooo good to read so many comments that make sense. And yes Mrs D your above blog very appropriate to me RIGHT NOW. Still feeling like a failure. I know its momentary but still pissed off with myself. I have disappointed myself, not anyone else just myself, but I know I have the strength and ambition to make this work. Thank you everyone.

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  11. Always 'fuck it' was the one to get me into trouble - cause it would either start me drinking or was my justification for really getting shitfaced ...... now I just think of no hangover :) xx

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  12. When I come in the door my darling has my cup of instant coffee ready for me. Used to reaching into the fridge for a vino. The coffee and changing out of work clothes is my routine at the end of my work day now, started doing it to keep the cravings at bay but now just do it because I enjoy being sober. May be a stressful day at work but now I have worked out a different way of dealing with it. Not perfect, have had the odd slip, did not have a drink for 3 months then on my birthday I weakened and had two, got a headache, felt lousy, slept badly. Guess the tolerance has all gone. But now more sure than ever that booze is skipping out of my life after over 40 years. Am looking forward to dry July after stopping on 1 March. Still terrific to wake up without feeling like shit

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  13. I first heard about your journey through my news app a few weeks ago and was inspired by what you are doing. I too am an alcoholic and attended my first AA meeting a couple months back here in the GC. I'm 40 now and have been struggling silently for 20 years with binge drinking. My latest antics over the past few years was hiding my drinking. Having a bottle I'd scull out of in the room then go and sip from a glass with my wife in the lounge. The guilt was killing me. I admitted to her my deep secret and sought help through AA thankfully! Anyways, my last drink was June 5th on a cruiseship with my wife and kids when I "convinced" her I'd be ok and how could you not drink in these surroundings??? Well we ended up arguing, she gave me the bottle, I went to the room and sculled it then went and showed her the bottle which was empty and said I'd tipped it out. It was then I realized I desperately needed help and needed to stop. I had been attending AA prior to the cruise and when I got back and shared the story at AA I saw everyone nodding. They knew what I meant. I wasn't alone. The lies had been flying out of my mouth for years. Man oh man does it suck being an Alcoholic however I've been sober since then and am working away at changing my life. Thanks and keep up the good work Mrs D

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  14. I loved the comment in your interview when you said something about just "batting away" an unwelcome thought about wine. I could almost see you doing it physically, as you might swipe at a fly with your hand to shoo it away. Whack. Away goes that thought. A technique I will try! xx

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  15. 7.30 in the evening is the worst time for me - the kids are hyper, the TV is on, I'm tired and want to just chill out. I'm in that state right now so your post really helped me thank you. I know I'll sleep well, and wake up in the morning so pleased that I didn't drink. I always hold onto that thought.

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  16. I put my mind in fast forward to the dirty hangover making the school lunches in pain.Then rewind back to the present moment of thinking a drink would be nice. I'm writing this in bed 7.36am clear 9hours solid sleep 13 months clear of the poison. bring on the school lunches! Woop woop!

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  17. 3 days in...read your book, as well as Carr's and Vale's. Normally I would avoid social occasions, when I would obsess about my drinks, and stay home and drink. Last night I went out, enjoyed my lime and sodas and drove friends home. Faaaaantastic feeling. Thank you, Lotta!

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  18. I just wanted to say thank you to you all. As it stands right now for me I do have the occasional night off the evil temptress, but mostly I like to drink... what ever the reason. 1 bottle is not enough. I want to shout at her and tell her to let me be. .. I want to be proud of myself and sparkle like you Mrs D. Here is to starting Dry July a little late.

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  19. your blogs are such a help. I'd been thinking for ages I have an issue with booze, will actually not an issue as it was so easy and so enjoyable but there in lies my problem. It was easy and enjoyable but every day and so easy to drink a bottle. While I don't have any embarrassing or humilitating stories I do do a lot of inner shame about my drinking and so I decided to start with Dry July, on June the 30th. And I am on track but really have to take it one day at a time only. I am terrified of doing failure and doing no booze. I do anxiety over do I start again in August or do I stick with being totally sober. And then how do I tell people, last time I decided to be booze free one friend told me she couldn't come round now and someone else said they didn't like the new me. I came up against more criticism than I did support and encouragement. I honestly don't know where I will end up from here so I am taking one day only at a time and gently put thoughts of the future to one side until I can face them. And Mrs D you are so right, the brain puts in an impressive effort along side that inner voice in encouraging me back to booze, the 'FUCK IT" being a regular feature. But I am doing success so far and it feels good. But I can't deny I will need HELP occasionally.
    Breezi Booze Free

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    1. Hi Breezi. I'm just starting out (day 3), but I have a close friend who has been sober now for 8 years. She told me that in the beginning, she got that same kind of response from some people (don't like the new you, you're not fun to be around anymore). She warned me about this, and told me that she found it helpful to remind herself that the reason these people found her to no longer be fun was that, when in the company of sober people, people like that feel embarrassed and self conscious about their own drinking, and so of course they think you're not fun anymore, but that's because deep down they feel the same kind of shame and guilt over their drinking that you and I do. Either that, or they're complete assholes. Either way, screw them. They don't get to decide whether you succeed. You do.

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  20. I haven't had a drink for 10 1/2 months but I just wanted to share what I did this time that was different to the many other times I gave up. I paid myself $50 for every week I didn't drink. (I used to spend 3 times that a week) I set myself a rule that I didn't get any money if I touched any alcohol. As the money started to mount up I would think of something really nice I would get with the money. I did become a bit obsessive about it but I thought that was better than obsessing about not drinking. I bought a lovely little diamond ring a few weeks ago which I feel really proud of.

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    1. Awesome, well done! I remind myself of the money I am saving and the calories I am losing as an extra incentive!

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  21. It would be utterly crass of me to say that I just wrote about playing the film to the end, wouldn't it? I don't normally pop in and promote me, but this is apropos to your post, Mrs D, so I hope you'll forgive me! https://afteralcohol.wordpress.com/2014/07/03/playing-the-film-to-the-end-the-actual-end/

    Counting days helped me at the start, because I started thinking in terms of 'well, might as well make it a week - oh, look, now I have 7 days, ten is a nice round number...well, I've done two weeks, might as well go to 30 days which in AA means a chip...etc. I like numbers and graphs and scores, so. And sober treats, courtesy of Belle. Basically I gave myself permission to be something of an invalid; early nights, lots of sweets, indulgent treats, and I wanted to 'earn' those things more than I wanted to drink, after a while.

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  22. Went to supermarket for food for tea, was absoutely desperate for a drink, walked slowly pass the wine but didnt get a bottle. Brought gingerbeer instead. Raced home put on my slippers, turned on T.V. and am not leaving home again today. No alcohol in house.

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    1. Well done, you are so strong, today/tonight not too bad but been there in the supermarket with you. Wishing I could meet up with many of you. Stay strong

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    2. Well done be proud of your achievement. Buy sone oneis. So you have yo actually get changed as well before you go out again. I try yo avoid that Isle to remove any temotation. Ivr even been known to write up my shopping list so I dont ho anywhere near it.

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  23. Hi Mrs D,

    Great blog post as always.

    When I first relapsed after two years of drinking it was because the voice in my head said, ‘fuck it.’ I was a staunch ‘Never going to drink ever again man,’ and so if I can capitulate so can anyone else.

    Three years on and not even as much as a cough drop.

    When cravings kick in I suggest a new rule. You can cave in, but not until after 20-mins as passed. Use the timer on your phone and then in that time meditate, read, listen to music, talk to people or just get the hell out of dodge. If you need to drink after 20-mins then go ahead, but give yourself the opportunity to talk some sense to yourself first.

    Cravings pass, otherwise we would all be hugely over weight, drunken sex fiends.

    Lee

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    1. Thx definitely gona try this. Will let you know how it goes.

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  24. I keep coming back to this site. I am pretty sure I have a drinking problem. In fact I know I do. But I am so high functioning - and I am so FUN. I am too scared to say I will stop forever. I don't think I can. Maybe I will read the books you read, see if I am any more convinced. I just really truly cannot comprehend a life with no booze.

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  25. Hello fellow bloggers, looking for Ms M and Mr H, hey guys hows it going??? Having a few hard days here, but my focus is not just being 'dry' but also on being hot and sexy again, and that is best done without the help of Al Co (and his dirty great big) Hol. I have definitely put on weight in the past months/year(s) and I am keen to reduce, not just to feel 'attractive' but to feel comfortable. Since I gave up have noticed a definite start to change in body shape, am sleeping......OMG thru the night, feeling way more focused during the day, my eyesight is better, tolerance and my energy levels way up. And more importantly Im coping with the flurry of tasks/decisions I have to make everyday.

    I'm thinking if Im feeling like this after only such a short period of time what will I feel like (let alone look like) in 3 months time (dry time that is)!!!!

    Thank you Mrs D for making this community available. Whose seen the movie "Warm Bodies", briefly about Zombies (walking dead), however one zombie (R) feels lost amongst the hordes of undead, until he begins to fall in love with Julie (a not undead). Along the way, their connection starts off a chain reaction which affects the future of civilization and reverses the zombie plague.

    I know you guys are convinced I am definitely a raving drunk,...............but it works, thru this one connection all the other zombies start to change and come back to life. Wow isn't that us, not dead zombies, just drunk zombies, and you Mrs D are Julie, the connection to change.

    Ok bed time now, been a few tough days, drinking carrot & apple, wrapping the belt of my dressing gown ever tighter (cause I can). Hoping Mr H and Ms M are okay. And great to see Mrs D that(heaven knows how you find the time) you are really reading thru the blogs. Feeling excited about the future......

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    1. Hi GG, thank you so much for thinking of me - I am in a better place, not abstaining but still sticking to the 1/3 of percentage of alcohol by just drinking 3 beers about 4 evenings a week.

      Well done to you!! Seriously you are an inspiration for me - you have really managed well...

      Look forward to chatting with you when the new website gets up and going.

      Keep up your incredible strength.

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    2. Im here too GG. Checking in daily. Thankyou for asking about us! Feeling rubbish that I cant get past day 4. Classic day 4 trap gets me everytime. On the plus side I have started exercising daily which Im enjoying. Is so cool to hear how good sober feels and fits(!) day 1 again for me today...with 3am guilt s and a hangover.

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    3. P.s gg. It sounds like a juicer is a great idea. Must investigate and I promise you ill get to day 5 this week. Over the hurdle and onwards!. Before checking in just now I snuck into kitchen to pour out telltale remnants of 2nd wine bottle to get into tomoros collection. Hate this bullshit deceitful trap ive fallen into...and yes i look like a walrus which is confusing for my partner who cant understand where the calories are coming from. Bring on the carrot juice ! P.s I reckon i will like that zombie movie :)

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    4. Hey Mr H and Mrs M, been out of the loop for sometime. Don't know if you guys have moved onto new site or just moved on. If you're around would love to hear from you.

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  26. Thanks, Mrs D. It's my second week of no drinking. It's been hard but I have survived. I went to the opening of Mana Wahine (a plug for a MUST SEE I know) and I walked right past rows of wine glasses full of it straight to the water. I never acknowledged being an addict until I realised that 'conversation' going on in my head that 'I need a drink'...and 'I'm going to fail' and the 'fuck it' raging around like a big headache. The answer is I can do it but not alone and to do it one day at a time. Staying in touch with likeminded inspirational people on the same journey is the only way until to conquer this addiction and live a healthy normal happy life with myself and my family.

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  27. Is that how you know you are an addict - that conversation in your head? That fight? I am trying to decide if I am an addict or not.

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    1. A longtime overdueJuly 6, 2014 at 9:10 PM

      If you ask me yes - like Mrs D, my husband is taking a bit of convincing, even though he has criticised my enthusiastic drinking in the past and the hangovers. If only he knew all my surreptitious thoughts and behaviours that have influenced our lives in favour of my drinking. As soon as I heard Mrs D battle of the head, I knew I was an addict. I already knew it really but it was affirmed. I hate admitting, would love to still be able to drink a glass. But that is the issue, I can't just have a glass.

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    2. I denied it for over a year saying I could control it but then one day it clicked in my head, the drink was ruling my life I wasn't a binge drinker but a slow steady drinker that could easily put 3 bottles of wine away a day from 2pm till I went to bed. I was a functioning drunk.. never stumbled, still held conversations, did what I needed to, cooked all the meals... but one glass was never enough, then one bottle wasn't and then when I was really honest with myself I was addicted to the booze and had to do something about it. It sounds like you are at a point I was at a couple of months ago before I took the jump and decided to get help.

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    3. It was also very hard for me to admit it to myself, but once I did I felt a relief. Good luck to you

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  28. KIA Ora Lotta
    I read your book, mainly on the bus.bit silly really coz was always mopping up my tears.u r such a brave woman for sharing your journey and Corin such a wonderful, loving, supportive husband.i m in my early 40s n was at the wedding with the guitars under the stars.lovely evening.I didn't cry about the booze.I felt your pain having to relocate back to Wellington.we moved from Wellington to Auckland to support my Hubby's career.he's doing gang busters but I left 2 kids behind.its tough.I love your writing style.I'm so proud of u.you're real.I just jumped on to say ... U go girl! Mrs G

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  29. Hi there. I haven't written a blog before. I have a very common story that I have read from many others. Every day the wine would come and it is was getting earlier and earlier each day. I was high functioning with working 30 hours a week 2 small children and a nice house, car etc. I knew it was wasn't normal to have to drink as much as I was to get through the day but denial is a very powerful thing. After a few attempts at AA I needed more help to disable this hideous alcohol monster. I am now 6 weeks sober and determined never to let it into my life again. It has led me to my marriage being over, my children are now with their dad but I am seeking help and have had the reassurance that once I have proven my sobriety for a length of time my children will be with me again on a day to day basis. if that isn't inspiration enough I don't know what is. its going to be a long touch road but my booze free brain is strong enough to fight this. Keep strong everyone we can do this!!!

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  30. HI Lotta, Wow I so understand exactly what you are saying. I normally just have the "fuck it" followed by "I don't give a toss about anything so I may as well drink". That is absoutley not the case. I care about my family but need to start caring about me. I am sure that will help.
    I shared this on my blog the other day that I did the school run in my slippers so I would not go into the supermarket after dropping kids to school. It worked, it worked and I got to 4pm and then the beast was trying to raise its ugly head. I did not listen (for once) and had a great evening :). Keep up your blogs they are hughly inspirational. xx

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    1. By the way I have changed my blog name from Mary Davis to Cherie Gettingsober. Was far too confusing for everyone. I am the same person. Keep on keeping on :)

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  31. My best friend got me into this site!!! You bloody rock Mrs D! You wrote your story - it could be me in the blog for sure!! I went 5 days, slipped up last night. Felt like hell all day today... so now I have the "why not" worked out - LOL. Wine which I have had a 30 year love affair with - started when I was 14, has become a negative not a positive for sure... My son hates it when I drink (which is constantly), my husband "cant take it anymore" .... I feel sick every day, my kidneys ache.... I'm doing Dry July, but feeling like it would be better to do Dry Life... And I have upped my training workouts to two hours a day because I AM NOT HUNGOVER!!!!!! Woop. THANKS!!!! xxx

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  32. Hi this is mrs w reading book need support day one again today

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  33. Two weeks without wine for me! I didn't drink every day but would happily sink one bottle on Friday and Saturday night and feel like shit all weekend. I would make all sorts of promises that I would only have a glass or two but I had to keep going until I finished the bottle. I have found this weekend and last has gone by slowly, which is nice, it feels like there is more hours in the day. However, I did peruse the wine aisle yesterday in New World, the wine bottles all looked so inviting. I just keep saying to myself 'you are a false friend' 'you are a false friend'! but boy do I miss you so. I just want one glass to numb the edges of life's stresses for a little while but I know, I know, I know I just can't stop at one.....!!

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  34. Hi thanks for that everyday for me no wine in the house that's a first need to make some big changes please keep in touch would love to get to where u r now

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  35. Hello, firstly I'd like thank Mrs D - you're very brave but more what I would say you have "balls"!
    When I watched the Sunday programme I burst into tears & knew it was time for me to stop.
    I too, have had a "love affair" with booze since I was 15 - I'm now 45 - I first wanted to know if I'd be violet like my dad - nah just silly!
    So I keep going, not wine though, not beer - only top shelf! First rum but that kept making me sick so went onto vodka & that's where I've stayed & have used booze a "crutch" for everything that has gone wrong in my life ever since.
    Like my best friend/mum dying 16 years ago - then had to work for her estate for 14 years - that was hard as all I wanted was her not her damn estate. Then was my damn Dad all I ever wanted was a father - stupid me - he was only interested in himself however that took me until I was 43 to work that one out! One could say I was a little slow.....
    So now I have no real "crutch" to keep using as an excuse apart from daily life - step children - they go home to their mother (thank god) at the end of every week (we have them week about) teenagers are testing! But what isn't?
    So today is day 6 - my thinking is do "dry July", then "dry August", Dry Sept etc.....
    Reading this site is such a comfort it's not funny - so again thank you.
    Here's goes into day 7.....

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  36. Well that was day one yesterday no sleep last night but clear head this morning bonus no wine bottles to discard roll on day two today could someone come in with support please

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    1. A longtime overdueJuly 7, 2014 at 7:31 AM

      Well done you! Advice for you, think in advance about your vulnerable time, mine is 5pm on a weekday. And consider what you might do differently to help avoid the temptation. And then remember how you feel right now with the clear head and then think what nice thing you will spend the money you saved last night and tonight on. Not finding this easy myself but knowing another person joins us gives me strength to hang in there. Dry all July so far and a couple of days before that too. Persevere and keep reading this page. I have started from the first blog.

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    2. I just wanted to send out great big cyber hugs to all of you people commenting who are trying to get sober. I have been sober two years and it has been well worth the journey. My drink of choice was sparkiling wine how I loved those bubbles. I found it really helpful in the beginning to still have my bubbles in the same glass at the same time but switched to Lime Perrier so that I still had my treat to look forward to after work. Kept the money I saved for lots of me treats. I wish you all well remember it takes 30 days to make a habit. Xxx

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    3. Hi thanks for your support every word counts for me knowing that other people care

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  37. Hi me too, knowing that other people can relate and care! Im glad its been raining, raining and more raining as has allowed me or I've given permission to myself to read all your blogs! Day 1 for me and have just received a couple of books Lotta suggested! Geez its scarey - do I really want to stop??? Of course I do - sick and tired of the hold its starting to have over me. I never thought I knew what a craving was but they've always been staring at me in the face - Even the first thought of wine is the craving!!! And then its usually all over Rover after that first glass. Im not tempted tonight cause I'm still a little seedy but man am I coming back to check in with you guys tomorrow... Thanks Mrs D what support we've got you guys - We can do it, we will do it - together! Just one thing, I keep telling myself "Well there will go all my friends" but you know what? Its me having the private parties - my friends prob wont even notice. Til tomorrow X

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    1. I am sitting at work reading this blog and thinking god I am not the only one going through this...Serra I relate to the secret drinking...I have reached the point where I will agree with my wife to not drink Monday to Thursday but then as I tend to pick up any extras after work from the supermarket I sneak home a bottle of wine...and go out to the fridge in the garage (on the pretext of doing washing or feeding the cat) and gradually drink the contents from the bottle over the course of the evening...I feel like crap being dishonest but it's like I just can't get through a day without that drug that is so damn it readily available...today I feel enough is enough but I am scared and feeling like can I do this. if I could stop at 1 glass I guess I wouldn't have a problem but the trouble is I realise I can't. We have friends coming for dinner tonight and they have said don't worry about alcohol as they are doing dry July...so we won't drink tonight either and I am hoping I can use it as a starting point to kick this close to 30 year addiction (I am 44) to the kerb once and for all...my wife asked me to do dry July but I just couldn't commit but am thinking (and hoping) that tonight will be okay and after that 1 day at a time....thanks Mrs D for this blog, it does help to hear you are not the only one struggling. Your interview on Sunday just rang true to many home truths but it's getting past that initial denial that is hard...

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  39. Today I managed to stay sober by deciding to think of the consequences of that behaviour. Straight away it makes a selfish action even though I do not mean it to due to the fact that I let down my children, partner and family whom are supporting me to win. To save myself by swimming ashore and getting out of the drink and not drowning!

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