Monday, July 7, 2014

Grumpy as hell...

So much lovely warmth and support in the comments section.. I check all the time and it's just making me feel so great that you are all facing up to booze issues and helping each other out.. community! Can't wait till we get our new site which will be much more interactive and easy for everyone to use. I've seen some of the graphics now and they look cool.. similar colors to my book cover.. I'll put a sneak peak up soon.

Anyway if I'm brutally honest today I'm super-grumpy and everyone in my family is super-grumpy. It's been the grumpiest morning in the history of grumpy mornings here in this house but thankfully Mr D has now taken everyone away and I've got 3 hours to myself.. to answer emails, write content for the new site and do 3 more publicity interviews for the book. It made it to the bestseller list last week - WTF! - couldn't believe it.. after only a few days of sales.. so that was really exiting.

But I have to be honest I think the adrenaline that has been carrying me through these intense past few weeks has well and truly run out.. my cortisol levels have peaked (I made that up, is there such a thing?).. my synapses are fried (?) and my feel-good hormones have flown the coop (!).. or to put it another way I'm shitty and tired and grumpy as hell.

Don't think I'm being helped by the fact I've been eating CRAP. Lots of wheaty, biscuity, bready, sugary, weighty, heavy crap that always makes me feel sluggish and moody. I now know that I definitely feel lighter and happier if I eat real food - veges, fruit, meat, eggs, nuts, etc etc etc yadda yadda yadda…

(Just had to take a break to do a radio interview with Andy from More FM Rotorua and it was fun! He's cheered me up a bit so thank you Andy..!).

Anyway.. where was I.. oh yeah.. grumpy me. Enough of my moaning..

Had someone put a comment on my last post asking "Is that how you know you are an addict - that conversation in your head? That fight? I am trying to decide if I am an addict or not." and I also received an email from someone else who said; "I always wonder why I can have a few drinks with my partner then he's fine to head off to bed but I can't  - I need to administer myself with layers more alcohol - usually stronger versions."

To answer the first question, yes. I think it is that internal dialogue about alcohol that sets us hopeless boozers apart. I don't think Mr D spends any time whatsoever thinking about his drinking. Me.. I spent hours and hours thinking and worrying about my drinking.

And to respond to the email .. you can wonder forever why your partner is different to you when it comes to booze.. but the bottom line is.. he's not been bit by the booze bug - you probably have. Why you and not him..? Who fucking knows!!!!!!!! It's just not fair!! But it's the way of things.. some of us get bit.. some don't.

I think that's the hardest thing about this whole journey.. the point at which we have to accept that for whatever reason or reasons (and they are irrelevant what those reasons are) we are one of 'those' people that alcohol has got it's claws into .. one of 'those' people who cannot control or moderate.. one of 'those' people for whom the combination of alcohol + our brain is not a healthy or functional one.

That point of acceptance is hell and I for one certainly resisted it for a long time.. until I had proved to myself (after many more miserable binges, vomits and intensifying guilt) that it was true. I could not control and moderate alcohol and the only way to win the fight was to take it away.

Then you get hit with the FEAR of facing a life without alcohol (who does that? Who lives without any alcohol ever??!!) and then you get hit with the NERVES about how that is going to happen.. but hopefully somewhere deep down there is also great EXCITEMENT about what might develop as a result of this acceptance.

This post is convoluted because I'm grumpy and tired. Sorry. But just know.. that point of acceptance heavy with fear and nerves and deep misery (because of where the booze has got you to).. that is the magical, powerful, wonderful, sparkly point at which you take control back of your life.

Love, Mrs D xxx

62 comments:

  1. Hi Mrs D, I have just read your book- I have been waiting for it to come out for some time- you see we have a mutual friend and she told me about you briefly and your book in the making some time ago.(she doesn't know about my inner struggles with alcohol) Reading it was like hearing myself and own inner dialogue that happens- so we are either quite alike or the addict voice is much the same... Yip- defo know I have a problem with alcohol- cannot moderate- Much like you have been a boozer since I was 14 and am now 41...a party girl, a fun drinking buddy. I'm scared as hell I will be "nobody' without booze- wont be able to socialise and whats more most wont want to socialise with me as most of my friends (funny that) are all drinkers. Not sure how many cannot moderate though?- many decide to get pissed, not just get pissed each time they drink with no choice...but then who knows? Maybe they have this struggle too? Anyway, facing life without drinking seems possible today- but not so much so when thinking of the next social gathering, and the next and the next.... But one thing for sure is, I have come to HATE my relationship with alcohol...but struggle to imagine my life without it.. Thanks for being so honest and sharing your own battle...It helps

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  2. I watched your breakfast interview this morning (you wearing a pretty yellow top). The one thing that struck me was the certainty in your voice towards the end about being absolutely happy sober and not touching the stuff ever again! I really hope that can be me - to hear you say it with such certainty, means it can be done right? Thank you again for being such an integral part of my decision to get sober (or at least try my butt off to get sober) xx

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    1. A longtime overdueJuly 7, 2014 at 8:50 PM

      Hear hear, I am really hoping for that switch from fear to sparkle too.

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  3. How do you take first step i hate the fact a substance can have such an affect on me

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  4. Hi Mrs D. I'm just chiming in to agree with you 100% on acceptance and fear. I also found it super hard to accept that I wasn't someone who could learn to just have a drink or two, and I went back and forth on it for a while, but once I finally accepted that, and then got over being scared of all the addict stuff and being a loser who couldn't drink and everything else, things have been great. It was hard slogging but so worth the effort. I think you're right, it doesn't matter why it is like it is, and it's probably true that it's not fair, but accepting how things are is crucial.

    I'm sorry you're tired and grumpy though. The other day I was reading all your comments and thinking how busy you are in all this and I thought, I hope you find time to take good care of yourself in all the craziness. And you will. Congrats on the bestseller list! And as always, thanks so much for being lovely and amazing you! xo

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  5. Yes how do know your an addict? I heard someone put it like this look at the record, look at the record, LOOK AT YOU RECORD with alcohol.. if something causes problems it is one. If drinking causes problems thats a drinking problem. For me I stopped drinking as the months pasted it became very obvious that I was an addict. the deeper you understand this the greater your chance of recovery.

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  6. Sometimes when I get sick of my addict and am tired, like I am now and are scared the addict is going to win. I take antabuse for a few days, automatically the addict switches off as it knows it cant win. I have managed two years soberitybetween 'me' and my friend antabuse. Most of the time I can manage it myself but always have antabuse on hand. Mrs D you are amazing.

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    1. I have not told my doctor that I struggle so much with alcohol so can not get the drug that helps you not to drink is it something you can buy on line Anon?

      Cheers
      Janine

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    2. Hey Janine I hope you don't mind me butting in and asking this....I just wondered why you have not told your doctor? For me...well I would be very hesitant (actually havent told my doc) as I would be scared of it then being on my medical file and being held against me some how/some stage- esp if I need to be medical checked in the future...Also, I don't want the whole clinic to potentially know- people in my community work there!

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    3. You are right to be wary of revealing your alcohol problem to your doctor. My life insurance has been cancelled becos I had asked for antabuse and help some years back. I took life insurance about 3 years ago but didn't think to mention my alcohol problem. ( don't think there was any specific question about this.) Then I recently got diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent a mastectomy. I put in a claim for crisis cover. When they discovered I had requested antabuse they cancelled my life insurance policy although they did pay the crisis cover. ( pay off I think!) Apparently I should have reavealed my alcohol problem at the start. But I didn't give it a second thought as I was just filling out one of many forms while arranging my mortgage! So you raise a valid concern!

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    4. Hi Janine. All insurance companies have a question how much you smoke or drink in a week. If you answer truthfully here, and they accept your cover they cannot go back on it later on. Good luck everyone. You have all given me such inspiration especially Mrs D.

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    5. Pretty sure they can if your smoking or drinking intake changes from the initial join up? Pretty sure if you start smoking or drinking after this you have to tell them too??? Maybe I am wrong?

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    6. From being in the industry for 15 years, no it is at the time of application. It may change in the future, who knows.

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    7. owh are we talking of NZ insurance?

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    8. yes. They also usually have a question what mediation you are on, natural or prescried.

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    9. to be on the safe side always ask your brokers advice

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    10. I have similar worry gnawing away at me. Told life insurance peeps at the nurse interview, that was normal drinker....but then sought help few months later and it went on my record. so now 7 years on I wonder if im wasting my money paying for insurance that might be dishonoured. ..and puts me off asking for any more help. Do I cancel my life and medical insurance? Imagine if I died and life insurance wasnt paid out for my kids because of my deep secret. Awful.

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    11. Hi Hope- I wonder if we just cancelled our current life insurance then when with a new one afresh and answered everything accurately this would be the answer? Bit nervous in the event of a claim they would look up previous insurers and see discrepancies though? Maybe just be honest with current? Think they would most likey just charge us a higher rate and there will be arrears for this? I have been worrying about the exact same thing re if I die no pay out for my son..

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    12. Please talk to your broker they will guide you.

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  7. Isn't the biggest tragedy in all of this that there are hundreds and thousands of us sitting alone (with our without a wine glass/bottle/cask) worried sick about being so stuck and genuinely not feeling able to put a hand up and have someone grab it and pull us out? I couldn't see myself every darkening the door of AA - I personally didn't know of anyone who had had success. The other interventions just didn't resonate or quite frankly were too expensive and time involved. I just wanted to live my life, find a ladder to help me climb out of the hole, have someone hold the ladder and another person at the top saying 'you can do it'. Once your at the top its evident that life is better and going back down into the pit is daft. Alan Carr helped me say good bye to the booze and the online community gave me the support and sense of belonging that I needed. Not one government cent involved... you would have to wonder about that wouldn't you?

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  8. hiya..read your book on thurs...hav not drank since..it really resonated..especially the inner dialogue part...hav quit for up to 6 months before but this feels different..easier...was even on a weekend away with mates..pink cloud? time will tell...i think you have given voice to a silent epidemic of desperate drnking housewives :-(

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  9. Wat a recovery snob 1:56pm is, When you enter AA, you are not darkening the doorstep. AA has helpled thousands and thousands of people achieve long term soberity and maintain it. Some people the help of government funded recovery programmes to kick start there recovery. You maybe just lucky - that a book helped you, but then again how long have you been sober. Any one can get sober - but the aim is longterm soberity. One, two or three years is not exactly a long time in the big scheme of things.

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    1. Keep it friendly please everyone...

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  10. It saddens me that people feel the need to undermine what is working, and make you doubt your success. AA is just one of the many routes to getting over alcohol, and while it has helped many people, the relapse rate is similar across the board. There are many of us for whom AA will never be a good fit, and this stopped me seeking help for years. Having said that, I wouldn't stop anyone else from using it. Since then I've found many different plans, and most of them are empowering. I'm all in favour of anyone who talks about the power of the mind to change your world. Mrs D is not some freak who went cold turkey and won. There are many others who have found the desire to do the same.

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  11. 'It made it to the bestseller list last week - WTF!' Hey Mrs D - what do you mean WTF? - it DESERVES to be in the bestseller list :) xx

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  12. Mrs D everyone has these awful grumpy days. You just have so much on at the moment with your book. Put your jarmies on and snuggle up, tomorrow will be a great day. You have helped so many of us, but to continue to do that you have to take care of you.
    You're awesome Mrs D.

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  13. I find knitting at night a great diversion from thinking about drinking

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    1. Me too. Crochet got me through my first few months -- it bent my mind in another direction entirely!! But definitely important to have something else to do.

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  14. Weird the Stephen King sequel to the Shining called Dr Sleep really helped me in my early days of not drinking. Total fluke I was reading it at the time. He adresses his own battle with alcohol through a character in the book.( it's not the epic that the Shining was but a fun read) shit I'm rambling. Time for a diet coke with a half twist of lemon. Night night.

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  15. I hadn't had a wine (or anything) since Mrs D's TV interview. Was enjoying the sparkly feeling. Then on Tuesday a tragedy hit my community. I felt I needed a wine. Had one. Just one. Then the next day - same thing. Then the family descended. Had just a couple Friday and Saturday. Oh yeah and Sunday .But I never had a drink at home - because that one drink would have turned into a bottle. I felt great about that. Tonight I struggled in the wine isle. Almost bought a bottle to take home. My kids are with their Dad. Only I would have known. But I didn't!!! Now I feel proud. I didn't need or particularly want the wine I had last week. I like the sparkly feeling better than even just one wine. It was the sparkly feeling that won over the bottle of wine tonight. Goddam - I've crossed the line - finally free! It's a pretty big deal :) Thanks Mrs D and ll the people who post here X Oh yeah - wine was the only thing that made me just that little bit fat - so long to that! The cheekbones are re-emerging

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  16. Being grumpy is being human! I love your honesty Mrs D. We can all certainly relate to days like your's today. I would just like to say in response to one of the posts above that I turned to AA on my darkest day. I am only 17 months sober, but I could not have come this far with out my AA "family". I have never felt alone. With so much support and love from fellow alcoholic, my life couldn't be better. Now , having found you Mrs D, and being able to share and met others like me, on this page, I feel very blessed indeed. Can't wait to read your book. Put your feet up, have an early night, tomorrow can only be a better day. x

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  17. good on you Zulu! The first thing I noticed when I gave up, was how the 'fog' went away!! After 35 years of heavy drinking, I did not know I was living with so much fog in my head. You just keep going. Your doing great!

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  18. Thank you Tina. I'm so excited you responded to my post - first time on a blog 'n all! I was just reflecting - I had no idea how unhappy I was. And what a state I was in. I haven't found going sparkly too hard at all. I'm not afraid of what I'm saying no to. I'm damn excited about what I'm saying yes to. I also know I would still be in my state has it not been for Mrs D and this blog. I know I would have found the strength to pull myself out sooner or later. So pleased it was sooner! X

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  19. I am now on Day 15 - :) Big smiley face !! I have to say I am impressed, with myself. Have had a couple of little tests, friends round for dinner last night and they were into the red wine and beer, but they didn't even finish 1 bottle and probably half dozen beer between 4 of them and I had my soda stream in action for me and enjoyed a ginger beer. The hardest part was for me the actual cooking and no glass of wine on the bench, actually wasn't so bad once we sat down to eat.
    It is definitely getting through that initial 2 hour period after work to dinner time that is my risky period.
    But thanks Mrs D, so far so good, and I agree about the sparkly point, still waiting to hit the wall, got grumpy at hubby before and had to consciously say NO do not even think of wine ! ANY excuse and all that... but got through.

    Happy sober thoughts everyone keep it up

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  20. Well I am on day 4- but well not really, I usually go 4 to 5 days between binges. So today I feel healthy and the down feeling I get for 3 days after drinking to much has gone. What I am now bit anxious about as its around this arvo that little addict will most likely kick in...I am just goint to grit my teeth and push through. It is also between 5 and 7 that is my most tempting time to drink.. and esp like having a drink while cooking. Might go get a $20 bottle of non alcoholic herbal drink..

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    1. OMG, I'm exactly the same. I have a massive binge. Shame and guilt consume me and then I swear off alcohol for a while. A few days later, I come out from under the black cloud of guilt and shame and think... maybe just one or two. And then a few months later, I'm spewing my guts out after having drunk driven home vowing never to drink again. it's the addict..... Push through it and remember how you felt in those first few days after your last binge. Use some of those mantras i.e. "If I don't have a drink, I'm going to feel so proud/happy/not hungover tomorrow".

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    2. Hey thanks- that's what I plan to do when the inevitable longing kicks in. A part of me thinks I am atleast lucky that I dont have to drink everyday or every second day but to be honest the more I think about it- none of us who 'have' to drink are lucky at all regardless of how little or often as our battle is still the same, the torment the same. I will keep reminding myself how terrible I feel for 3 days after- do the maths. Never seems to be enough in the past- but this time I will just bloody well DO IT regardless!( And think of my little boy more than me and my wanting for booze)

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    3. Hey I am starting to see a connection here: cooking tea drives us to drink!! So lets give up cooking tea for a year? (I am joking)

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  21. Hi Mrs D, I just wanted to say I've been following your blog for a while now and am feel so inspired by your story. I can't wait to get your book! I am on day 8 today and feeling great! I'm doing Dry July and hoping to continue after that. Like many others, I'm not thinking of 'forever' at this stage as it's too overwhelming but at least I will have the 31 days of July sober and hopefully I can keep going!

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  22. i had a moment of clarity on Saturday morning. I went out on friday night and had a big one sans booze (Yay me!) and drove home. But I woke up on Saturday morning waiting for the feeling of guilt and shame to hit me; and then I realised that I hadn't drunk the night before...... My mind is SO programmed towards shame and guilt after a night out, that it automatically 'went there' the next day even though I hadn't drunk. Completely freaked me out.

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  23. umm just a bit off subject but can anyone tell me what the difference is between being anonymous blogger and one with a name? Can you post on anon blog page?

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  24. Hi Mrs D. Just read your book. Loved it. Read it in one go. Couldn't put it down. You are such an inspiration. I feel excited but also afraid of the journey. I guess it is time for my big girls boots and a real fight with that addict brain.

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  25. hey Zulu... we have something else in common! That was my very first blog too! My worst time of the day is also while cooking the evening meal. Just like a smoker would automatically light up when the phone rings, or hops into their car or stop for a break, I could not peel the potatoes without a wine. So getting past the most "dangerous" period, I started 'doodling' / tangling ( a form of art work). In between cooking stages, I would doodle! I am an artist and having an addictive personality, it did not take me long to become addicted to my drawings.. at least with this addiction, I am making money, not losing it or my sanity. :)

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    1. A longtime overdueJuly 8, 2014 at 11:10 PM

      Ditto, wine and preparing the evening meal. I have turned to non-alcs instead.

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  26. I feel like I need someone to off-load to....and since this journey that I am on has been a totally private one to date, I hope that by writing about it here, knowing that someone may read it and and not judge me - I will feel better. I have been alcohol free for about 75 days(ish). I've known for a long time that something had to change but circumstances (long story) recently occurred and I stopped drinking completely. And it really wasn't hard for me. I didn't struggle and I think that is largely because of how much better I feel when I am not drinking. The physical and mental/emotional improvements have been utterly astonishing. So motivation has remained consistently high. Reading blogs like this has provided all the support I have needed. Anyway, last week-end we went on a camping trip which had been planned with friends for a long time. I had decided that I would allow myself to have a few drinks on one of the evenings, which I did. I have never really tried to moderate my in-take before so didn't know if this alcohol-free thing was something I was doing for now, or forever. But I think that lack of pressure helped me to stay in control. Anyway, I had a few drinks like everyone else did and enjoyed it. But let me tell you, when I woke up in the morning I felt like shit. And I can now honestly say that I don't need to drink to enjoy a party. I have been to several social events in the past 70+ days and had no alcohol. It has been such a good lesson for me. I can simply choose to be alcohol-free because it seems to agree with me better than alcohol does. It is such a logical choice. I think I'm getting closer to a decision to make this lifestyle change a permanent one. Any thoughts from anyone out there? I feel a bit deflated that I have to start counting all over again........like I let myself down. But on the other hand, it wasn't a lack of willpower as much as me wanting to see how I'd feel. Don't even know if that makes sense. Anyway, onwards and upwards I guess. Thanks for listening out there....

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    1. Hi I think its great you again realised that you don't need alcohol to have a good time and it makes you sick in the morning- (of course you didnt need to have another to know that) but sometimes we need reminding. You go for it and remember that morning any other time you are toying with the idea of having a few!! Ya dont have to start counting again in my opinion its not a competition- you can now tell yourself you have not drunk for 70, then 80, then 120 plus days etc except for the one evening- and well that's the truth!! Go YOu

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    2. A longtime overdueJuly 9, 2014 at 8:53 PM

      Quit the counting, and count the lesson. Great to learn in a safe controlled situation that it felt like shit. I gave in a week after starting to finish a part opened bottle, just like you I felt shit (not the partaking mind, I loved it!! just the next morning). Not finding this easy. Keep posting, keep reading and hang in there!

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  27. I am tired of waking up in the night feeling miserable from drinking too much, I am tired of worrying about my drinking and feeling disappointed in myself yet again. I am tired of thinking about wine. I am tired of wondering if others notice I hide it. I am tired of hangovers the next day. I love the rawness of your book Lotta. It actually makes me get angry at alcohol and for once I want to deal to it. I am just so tired of battling with it. Your book is so real. Fantastic and a huge thank you. Gives you a great big hug. (52 female)

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    1. It seems it stuffs with all our heads in the same way. We have bravely escaped an abusive relationship, we should never go back!

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  28. I am also tired of feeling broken :(

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    1. Lilly, I hope you can find the support you need either here on the sober blogs or at meetings, or wherever. Nobody deserves to feel broken. Alcohol makes me angry too -- it robs people of so much health and joy and self worth. But we can beat its sorry ass!!

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  29. Hi finallyfreetobeme, I am part way through reading Jason Vale's book- kick the drink easily (recommended on Mrs D's blog), I wanted to share with you what he says about counting! Don't count! Because we are now free why would you count! He says that we count as if we are in a prison and that by counting we are actually in kind of a way tormenting ourselves, flip it around- we, should have counted the days we were drinking cos that was the sentence. Not sure if this helps? Anyway go you! I found your comments very helpful. I have read every word that Mrs D has ever written on her blog - man oh man, just what I needed to get some perspective, insight and support into this alcohol bullshit. I'm only 2 weeks off the wine, but who's counting? Um, er.... I'm trying not too. All the best to all of us and a huge mihi to Mrs D - Kia kaha wahine toa!

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    1. A longtime overdueJuly 9, 2014 at 8:49 PM

      Thank you for your post - I stopped counting about a week ago because I didn't feel it was helping. What I keep reminding myself is I have drunk solidly for nearly 30 years, certainly 20 with considerable enthusiasm. Maybe in 20 years when the kids have left home I might indulge once again. I am reading every word too.

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  30. Hi out there. Hi Tina:). I really liked your comments Anonymous 1.15pm about not counting. Thanks, just what I needed right now. I count June 23rd as my freedom date. Have had a couple of wines since - but something shifted inside me on the 23rd when Mrs D talked to the nation and the world and said exactly what I needed to hear :). A few people have said they are having sweet cravings - me too! A dry white was as sweet as I used to get! I've decided to roll with it and am now a connoisseur of Lindt chocolate (recommend the new lime zest flavor!!) with a strong cup of tea. Also becoming a tea connoisseur - Yorkshire tea is hard to beat! Man I love that I get excited about my evening cuppa now!! x

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    1. Hi zulu and anon 1:15. It was nice of you both to take the time to reply. It helped! I might read that Jason Vale book. In my first month, I wanted sweet stuff too and I was a person who prided myself on not having a sweet tooth. But it soon subsided and I feel back to normal in that respect. Now I do let myself have occasional treats with the calories which would otherwise have been consumed in wine. But I have lost about 4 pounds which people have noticed so that's also really positive. Drinking lots of tea too (which I did anyway) but now really crave it at certain times of the day. I will think about not counting the days. I want to do anything that will help to keep me motivated. Reading stuff from you guys helps me more than you can imagine. Stay strong all of you and be proud of yourselves.

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    2. I haven't been counting the days but coincidentally stopped on the 1st July so easy to remember. Finding things relatively easy, just don't really think about it. I am eating more though, but look at all those wine calories that are no longer being consumed! Now reading Jason Vale again just to keep that sensible approach in my head. Have ditch an abusive relationship, what's to miss?! Mrs D and everyone here are all so strong and amazing. Go us!

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  31. Just told first friend that I've stopped drinking, she expressed surprise, then just IGNORED the issue. Really disappointed. Is this a normal reaction?

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    1. It's probably normal for a couple of types of people:
      Someone who has no idea at all how immense and important this decision is to you -- maybe a non-problem drinker, or someone who has no idea about dependence -- they might think it's just not a big deal.

      Or, a person who's got an issue themselves, and doesn't want to face it or examine it. Talking with you about it would bring up their stuff, and they don't want to go there.

      I found it really lonely when I quit drinking... there were not many people in my life who were as fascinated about my decision, and as rivetted as I was!! What's important is that it's precious to you -- precious enough to guard with all your might! And people around the sober blogs are interested and supportive.

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    2. I told my friend and she said "good luck with that lol"- RUDE haha- she doesn't want me to give up I think and pretty sure she struggles to stop after a couple so may not want to take me seriously.. Told another friend that must of IGNORED me as then invited me over for wine! So, normal in my circles anyway...

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  32. Annonymous, 7;31am, Do not be discourage by your friend, especially if he/she is one of your drinking buddies. Through my experience and also what I have heard from long time sobriety friends, is that some of our drinking buddies don't want us to give up. Circumstances may be that they feel better if we drink with them. Or they may be in denial about how much they drink and we might be making them feel guilty about how much they drink. Or they simply think we might be a bit 'boring' with out the booze. Whate ever the case,it really doesn't matter in the end. this is our life, the way we choose to live it. New sober friends will enrich our lives and encourage us to stay sober. I have family members who refuse to accept that I am an alcoholic. This too is normal. Just keep going... we have made a great and brave decision.

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  33. OMG, that was me who asked the question about being an addict. And here I am - almost there (what's stopping me?). I started a blog so I can be part of the online community - and now all I need to do is say "enough" and stop.

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